Healing from Reproductive Trauma
Trauma affects everyone differently. Regardless of how trauma affects each of us, traumatic stress reactions are normal reactions to abnormal events and experiences. When we think of trauma, we most commonly think of one-time, horrific events like war, natural disaster, sexual or physical assault, or being kidnapped or taken hostage. While the research linking trauma to infertility and pregnancy loss is presently very limited, many reports have linked the stress of trying to overcome infertility or managing pregnancy and parenting after infertility or loss with triggering stress responses associated with trauma symptoms and even clinical Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). While some experiences of reproductive trauma are one-time events, many experiences of reproductive trauma are recurrent and result in a complex and cumulative impact.
It’s so important to know if you’ve experienced any type of reproductive trauma that you are not alone. The good news is that both traumatic stress and PTSD symptoms can be managed with the right support and care.
Actions you can take now.
Seek help.
PTSD needs to be diagnosed by a licensed mental health professional. Whether you’re struggling with post traumatic stress or PTSD, a licensed mental health professional can support you as you heal and learn to move forward in your life post trauma. If you think you are experiencing post traumatic stress and maybe just need a little extra support to build coping skills or learning how to manage your symptoms or triggers when they arise, working with a coach or a doula (like myself) who specializes in trauma may be a great fit for you. For true PTSD and managing the symptoms associated with the disorder, seeking care from a licensed mental health professional will be essential, especially in the instances where medications may be needed. Psychology Today is a great resource to find a provider near you.
Set a timer.
This can be a timer for even just five minutes a day. In these five minutes, you are to open up to any thoughts, sensations, or feelings that are associated with the trauma you’ve experienced. You can give your trauma “office hours” where all thoughts, feelings, sensations and images are welcome. For the rest of the day, when painful internal experiences arise, you can acknowledge the thoughts, feelings or images and gently remind them that they can come back during office hours, but at the current moment there are other tasks you need to attend to. It can be helpful to designate a physical space for this. When I was going through my healing journey, I would go into a closet in my home, light a candle, and close the door. When I was finished, I would blow out the candle, leave the room, and close the door behind me. Having a physical space was helpful for my trauma’s “office hours”.
Affirmations.
Whether you repeat affirmations to yourself, or read affirmation cards, there is scientific proof that self-affirmations can be incredibly beneficial when healing from trauma. Some people find it helpful to write mantras on post-it notes or index cards and put them in places like your purse, your mirror, your vitamin case, or even set one as the background of your phone. Mantras or affirmations could be simple reminders like ‘breathe,’ ‘I trust my body,’ ‘I can get through this,’ ‘I am safe,’ or could include helpful quotes or scriptures. You can write your own affirmations by spending some time journaling or talking through ideas with a loved one or counselor, or there are also tons of free affirmations available online. Pinterest can be a great place to search and save affirmations that are meaningful to you.
Take it one day at a time & breathe.
You can even take it one hour, one minute, or one second at a time if even a day is too hard. Sometimes, looking ahead at the upcoming weeks and months can feel completely overwhelming and impossible. Taking each day and each moment as it comes and focusing on the “here and now” can be vitally helpful. Remember, breathe!
Seriously, right now, pause and breathe. Let’s do it together:
Breathe in….. 2……3……4……5……
Hold…… .2……. 3……… 4………. 5……..
Now exhale…. 2…… 3……. 4……. 5……..
Ok now breathe in again ….. 2……3……4……5……
And hold…… .2……. 3……… 4………. 5……..
Now exhale…. 2…… 3……. 4……. 5……..
Repeat as many times as you need to until you start to feel your heart rate and stress begin to decrease. Anytime you start to feel the anxiety creeping in, taking a few minutes to do some intentional, deep breathing exercises can help to stop the anxiety train before it gains too much momentum and becomes impossible to stop. Studies show that deep breathing increases the supply of oxygen to your brain and stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes a state of calmness. Here are some of my favorite deep breathing exercises you can try anywhere.
Photosynthesize & move your body.
Spending time outside can be so beneficial for so many reasons, physically, mentally, and spiritually. It can be a really helpful grounding technique to spend a few minutes outside barefooted. Notice how the ground feels beneath your feet. Is it cold? Is it warm? Does it feel firm and solid? Does it feel soft and squishy? Notice the sounds you hear. Do you hear birds chirping? Leaves rustling? Dogs barking? Bees buzzing? Cars driving by? Notice what you see. Do you see trees? Grass? Paint chipping on the fence? Spending time mindfully with nature can do wonders for an anxious mind. Additionally, spending time outdoors aids in Vitamin D production. Vitamin D deficiency has been linked to increased feelings of depression and anxiety. Spending time outdoors can be a great way to increase your Vitamin D levels and decrease your feelings of anxiety.
There are physiological ways that moving our bodies actually improves our mental health and can release stress, tension, and anxiety in our bodies. There is something so therapeutic about exercise, even something as simple as taking a short walk or doing some simple stretches, that releases those feel-good endorphins that can really turn your day and mood around and help to reduce anxiety, feelings of depression, and even high blood pressure.
Identify your triggers and ask for support.
Sometimes we may not know what triggers us, and that’s completely normal. If you feel frequently caught off-guard by your triggers and don’t know what it was that spurred that sudden increase in your heart rate, that overwhelming feeling of fear or flashback to your loss, that out-of-the-blue urge to cry or leave the room, know that you’re not alone. Experiencing pregnancy loss and infertility can cause traumatic stress, and sometimes the symptoms of traumatic stress can linger long after the trauma has passed. If you need help identifying your triggers, it could be helpful to keep a journal or a log when you feel triggered. Overtime, you may notice a pattern. You may notice you’re often triggered when you go into a store or a crowded building. You may notice you’re triggered on your commute home from work if there’s a lot of traffic. You may notice you’re triggered more often on a certain day of the week or time of day. You may notice you’re triggered when it rains. You may notice you’re triggered when a doctor’s appointment is coming up. Once you can identify what your main trigger points are, you can create an action plan to help manage them so you aren’t frequently caught off-guard.
If you have suicidal thoughts…
If you or someone you know has suicidal thoughts, it’s important to get help right away. You can call or text a suicide hotline number — in the United States, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) to reach a trained counselor or make an appointment with your doctor or a mental health professional. If you think you or your loved one may hurt yourself or attempt suicide, call 911 or your local emergency number immediately. If you know someone who is in danger of attempting suicide or has made a suicide attempt, make sure someone stays with that person (or on the phone with that person) to keep them safe. Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately or, if you can do so safely, take the person to the nearest hospital emergency room.
Asking for support from loved ones, a local support group, online community, or a trained professional is so important when healing from trauma. To join the Catalyst for Courage Newsletter and Community, sign up below.